There’s a certain kind of desperation that settles in when you realize no one’s coming to help. In Braddock, PA, residents have been learning this lesson the hard way—one shattered car window at a time.
A string of break-ins has turned the town into an unofficial Kia and Hyundai buffet, where thieves show up, take their pick, and leave residents footing the bill.
The worst part? The police force, which was already running on fumes, just got even smaller. And if you think the criminals don’t know that, you haven’t been paying attention.
So what happens when a town has more broken car windows than full-time police officers? Well, that’s where things get interesting.
The Kia Boys Have Entered the Chat
In case you missed it, there’s a new criminal trend sweeping the nation. No, it’s not sophisticated heists involving grappling hooks and laser grids.
It’s teenagers stealing Kias and Hyundais using nothing more than a USB cable and the collective brainpower of TikTok.
Braddock residents have caught these so-called “Kia Boys” in the act—hurling bricks through windows, hotwiring cars like it’s a sport, and vanishing into the night like budget-friendly Batmen.
One resident, Von (who wisely opted not to share his last name, possibly because he owns a Kia), witnessed it firsthand.
He saw two teens casing the lot around 1 a.m. They weren’t just bored kids—these guys had a game plan. Unfortunately, Braddock’s police department did not.
So, what do you do when your town has been officially marked as “easy pickings” for car thieves? Well, you’d hope the police would step in. About that…
Braddock’s Police Force: Now Featuring Two Whole Part-Timers!
If you’ve ever been frustrated by slow police response times, consider this: In Braddock, it can take up to four hours for an officer to show up.
That’s not just slow—it’s the kind of wait time that lets you watch The Godfather in its entirety and still have time to make popcorn.
And now, it’s about to get even worse. The department is down to just two part-time officers. There is no police chief.
There is no 24-hour coverage. There is, however, a growing list of crime victims who are very tired of filing insurance claims.
During a packed borough meeting, residents did what they could—complained, argued, and, most importantly, asked for solutions.
But when your entire police force can fit inside a Smart Car, there aren’t many good answers.
So what happens when you can’t rely on the police? Well, some residents are taking matters into their own hands.
Security Guards, Surveillance Cameras, and a Whole Lot of Paranoia
Elliot Goodman is new in town, and he’s already losing sleep over his car. He’s not alone. With police stretched thinner than a discount tire, residents are looking for alternative solutions—some of which sound an awful lot like they’re preparing for the apocalypse.
- Hiring private security guards to stand watch over parking lots? On the table.
- Installing more security cameras in hopes that thieves will suddenly develop a fear of being filmed? Sure, why not?
- Sleeping in shifts and forming a neighborhood militia? Okay, no one’s suggested that yet, but give it time.
At this point, people are just trying to protect what they have, because if the cops aren’t coming, what else can they do?
But before we go all Mad Max, let’s take a step back—because this isn’t just a Braddock problem. It’s happening all over the country.
America’s Small-Town Policing Crisis: A Feature, Not a Bug
Braddock’s police shortage isn’t some bizarre local quirk. It’s part of a nationwide trend. Across the U.S., small towns and mid-sized cities are watching their police forces evaporate like gasoline on hot pavement.
There are a few reasons for this:
- Low Pay, High Stress: If being a cop paid as well as breaking into Kias, we probably wouldn’t have this problem.
- No One Wants the Job: Between budget cuts, rising crime, and public scrutiny, police departments are struggling to recruit new officers.
- Burnout Is Real: The ones who stick around are quitting faster than you can say “unfunded pension.”
So what’s the solution? Some places are consolidating departments. Others are turning to state police for backup. In Braddock, they’re considering both. But time isn’t on their side.
And if you think car break-ins are bad, wait until you see what happens when the criminals realize no one’s stopping them.
The Kia-Hyundai Crime Wave: How Did We Even Get Here?
It’s hard to believe, but at the center of this whole mess are two of the most unassuming brands in the car world: Kia and Hyundai.
A few years back, someone discovered that certain models of these cars were laughably easy to steal, thanks to an outdated ignition system.
It didn’t take long for this information to spread online, and suddenly, cities across America were seeing a surge in car thefts.
Manufacturers have been scrambling to fix the issue, rolling out software updates and security patches.
But for cities like Braddock, where crime is already outpacing the solutions, those updates can’t come fast enough.
So if you’re in a town with a disappearing police force and you own a Kia, what do you do? Besides praying, that is.
Where Do We Go From Here?
Braddock is facing a reality that more and more American towns are waking up to: There aren’t enough cops, crime isn’t slowing down, and people are being forced to take security into their own hands.
So what’s next? A few options:
- Hire More Cops (If They Can Find Them): This is the obvious answer, but recruitment is a nightmare right now.
- Merge With Another Police Department: This is currently on the table, but it takes time.
- Let the State Police Handle It: Not a bad idea, except they’re also stretched thin.
- Hope the Criminals Get Bored and Move On: Probably the least effective plan, but hey, stranger things have happened.
For now, Braddock residents are left with a lot of questions and very few answers.
But one thing’s for sure: If you’re parking your car in Braddock tonight, you’d better double-check that lock.